i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
