8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They took my balls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
