I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
