Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
