Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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