Who wears a wallet chain?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
