plz talk dirty to me
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We are all done wearing pants today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
