just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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