I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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