My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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