Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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