I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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