dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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