Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
