I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
