Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He did a backflip because drugs
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