Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
