if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
