The best revenge is premature balding
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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