if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
