The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
