I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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