Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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