meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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