operation harelip BJ is a go
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
