cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
