I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
