she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
