My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
