I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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