Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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