Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
