I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
