She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
