Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
