I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
