Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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