I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
