I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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