As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
