would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
