so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
