I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
