If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
