I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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