I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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