I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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