I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
