The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
