We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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