so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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