your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize