i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
