Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
