i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
