I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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