Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
