Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
