Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
