I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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