By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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