So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
