im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
