there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
