Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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