there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
