Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize