we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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