Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
