i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
